


Alluka says it like it is

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: I don't know, M/M, Smoke Weed Every Day, fuck my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 16:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4269618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alluka Zoldyck, together with Nanika, are a great team.... and Killua really just didn't see it coming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alluka says it like it is

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during the Chairman Election arc when Killua goes back home to get his baby sister to save Gon. Gon has already been healed (more like revived) and Killua was trying to convince Nanika to go away (foreva).

"Onii-chan how could you just say that to Nanika?!?!?" an angry yet cute Alluka demanded.

"Uhhh... um..." Killua started, surprised to see his sister so angry, "Well..."

"If you don't apologize to Nanika, then consider yourself an only sibling!" 

"But I have other siblings, you know??"

"SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!uno!!" Alluka screamed.

Killua was sad. He didn't want to see his bby sister like this (even though Kalluto is the youngest, lawl). So he apologized,

"Baby grl i'm sorry pls forgive me"

"APOLOGIZE TO NANIKA FIRST!!!" she screamed again.

Killua sighed. Why did his life have to be like this? He thought making Nanika go away forever was doing justice for the both of them. For everyone. But noooooo. Alluka just HAD to scold him about this shit!

"okay. Nanika... I'm sorry...." he apologized.

Alluka looked up at him nodding her head several times, "Yes, yes. Go on..."

"Wait, what? I apologized..."

"No, repeat this, 'Nanika I'm a fucking idiot.'"

"WHAT?!?!?!" Killua was surprised his little sister said a naughty word.

"'Nanika, I'm such a big smelly piece of bullshit!'" she continued, "Without you I couldn't have saved my shitty boyfriend Tree Man AKA Mr. Tree so I basically just used you for your power and now I'm ditching you and see nothing wrong with it. Like you were just some hoe.'"

"Uhh..." Killua was confused???? "Um... Why are you-..."

"WOW, YOU ThinK YOU'RE THE TRUE PIMP MASTER 9000, ONII-CHAN? FUCKING PIECE OF MIKE's DOG POO!!!"

"Alluka, please, listen- I..."

"I'LL SHOW YOU APIMP MASTA 99999999" Alluka screamed.

She kicked Killua off that weird bench thingy they were sitting on (lol???) and Killua fell to the floor helplessly. She then stood over him with the most menacing (very cute) face and you could see fear in Killua's eyes.

She stomped on his head. Again. And again. She kept doing it while yelling "FucKING PIECE OF dAWGGY POOOOUP!!!!!!!!!!!"

Killua willingly received the blows but eventually he lifted his head and yelled, "OKAY I'LL REPEAT IT!!!"

But what did she say again??

"NAIKNAKA I'M A FCKING PIECE OF BULLSHIT MIKE's DOGGY POOOP SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" And I love Gon, he thought, but why would he say that to Nanika?

"Hmmm.... Good enuf" said Alluka, then she reverted to that creepy ass Nanika, who was oddly enough, smiling... (kinda?) "Killua, I love you... N ohomo yo!"

"What but Nanika you're a girl... I think??" Killua was confused... He knew Alluka was a girl but what was creepy ass Ninaki?????

Nanika then became Alluka again and she decided since Killua was such an ass, she may as well make him do whatever she requested lawl.

"Onii-chan, give me my pipe."

"What?!?!?" Killua nearly screamed.

"Give me my pipe, Onii-chan!!"

"Allukka, you're a kid you can't smoke-"

"GIVE ME MY FUCKNG PIPE HORSESHIT FACE!"

Killua frowned. Alluka was being so mean today. But he did give her the pipe. And just like magic, she lit it and began smoking.

"As I was saying, you're underage, you know??? I don't think you should be smoking...?" said Killua, more like asked. He was being suffocated by the smoke.

"lol you think i give a fuck?" she asked plainly, blowing a cheerio in his face. 

Killua began to cry. The smoke from her pipe stunk like Gon's dirty ass (even though he loved Gon very much)! Sorry Gon, he thought to himself, but it's true.

Then Alluka switched to Nanika and Nanika was smoking the pipe too!!!

"OMG" Killua screamed. "NOOO"

Nanika and Alluka would take turns smoking the pipe until Alluka finally sighed. "Onii-chan, play my theme song."

"Theme song???"

"PLAY MYFUCKING THEM SONG TRASH ASS"

"I DONT EVEN KNOW YOUR FUKCING THEME SONG YOU BITCH!!!" Killua snapped. Oh shit.Oh shit. OHSHIT!!!!!!!

ALLUKA WAS SO PISSED!!! LOL !!!11!

She stood up again and kicked Killua square in the face. "BITCH? WHO DO YOU THINK YOURE TALKING TO?!"

Killua started crying. 

"YoU'RE THE LITTLE BITCH ASS!" she continued, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'rE TALKING TO YOU LIL SHIT HOLE?? I'm A PRO HOE HUNTER, TOP PIMP IN THE HUNTERS ASS(LOL ASS)OCIATION. I'VE GOT MORE HOES THAN YOU CAN COUNT , MY SWAG LEVEL is 9 BILLION! AnD YOU THINKYOU CAN CALL ME A BITCH??!?!?!"

Killua continued crying.

Then Illumi showed up and started playing shitty rap music (LAWL).

Alluka blew another cherrio in Kiulias face, who was still crying. "waa waa whine whine"

Killua wished Gon was here. At least Gon could defend him... maybe. Wait where the fuck was Gon ANYWAY????

Gon had found an interdimensional rift in the stairs where the chariman election was being held. So, like a dumbass he jumped in. Bye Gon.

"GOOON!!!!" Killua cried.

"ShUT THE FUCK UP!!!! NONOBYDY CARE SABOUT MR. ASS MANTREE MONKEY!!" Alluka screamed before dropping her pipe.

"I care about Gon..." Killua, sniffling, says in a low voice.

"HHAHAHSHSJSHAHAFGERD" Alluka was keymashing lol

Hisoka then showed up and started grinding against Illiumi's ass. "Schwing scgwing schgingw!" Nobody really cared.

And Alluka, taking turns with Nanika, beat the shit out of poor (not really, he has more money than me) Killua. She stopped when the rap music stopped.

....Bu the rap music wSA ON REPEAT!!! 

So she never stopped.

Killua's face is going to be really ugly if she ever finishes lol

...

"So, basically, in order to set things straight (lol STRAIGHT!! HAHA!!) and make things right again, Gon has to give Killua a blowy." Leorio was explaining to the other zodiacs, including poophead Pariston. 

Pariston smiled, "wow they sound rlly gay haha"

"But," cheadle interrupted, "Does this Gon creature evenknow what a blowly is ?? lol"

"Oh shit." Loerio exclaimed, "Oh SHIT!!!"

Kurapika was actually there and had been staring at the walls the whole time. To be honest he was just trying to not look at Pairston's ridiculously long face, since he convinced himself if he rearranged the letters, Pariston could be spelled as Pairo (well Kurapika really cant spell.... I don;t know how).

"OH SHIIITTTT!!!" Oreoleo continued to yell.

Pariston inturepted too. "Well since Gon is such a fcking Plebe maybe he'll really BLOW on Kilua's cock instead of suck haha lwalw"

Cheadle nodded. Couldn't believe she was agreeing with Traash.

"OHSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT" Mr. Oreos screamed until the whole building would hear him.

"LEORIO SHUTTHE FUCK UP." Kurapika finally exclaimed. Unfortunately his eyes found Pariston and he was on the verge of tears.

"Wait Kurapika is here?Since when? Why is Kurapika here?" Leorio was confused. "You never answere my phone calls you Douche!!1!!!"

"WELL FUCK ITS NOT MY FAULT I DIONT WANNA HEAR YOU SCREAMING 'o shit' EVERY five SECODNS!!" Kurapika was now crying. The ugly face of Parisotn was too much for him to handle.

"haha hes crying" Mizaistom nana pointed out.

"Well I would cry too. Pariston is very ugly." Cheadle said.But secretly, she thought he was ... ... ... HOT!!! (nah not really)

"Kurapka, it's alright. Hey let's go outfor icecream"

So Krapuika and Orleoleo went out for icecream. Like a hot date or some shit lol.

...

 

Meanwhile, Gon was exploring some strange dimension. There were people who looked normal, butthey had tentacles. Everytime Gon walked by one they would extend their tentacles and make slurping sounds. He thought they were just saying hello, since you know, aleins cant speak Togashi, but really the weird creeps were trying to tell him that a blowjob doesn't actually involve blowing. 

"Well My Friends are probably worried about me?? I don't know Killua kept prasiing Black Jesus Togashi. But whos Jesus??" he said. Then he saw Kite. Kite was naked.

"WHA TTHE FYCKK!!"

...

And Nanika and Alukala were still beating Killua. Hisoka was still grinding Illumi while he played poo poo rap music and the butlers were fucking scared.

All in all, it was a normal day for the Zoldycks, Gon, Oreloelo and Krpiakia. And Pariston too, because he found nudes on Ging's cellphone (he left it on purpose).

The End. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hlep me I need to find God.


End file.
